December 2009
54 posts
1 tag
A Well-Known Cougar Proverb That You Haven't Heard
Tell a cougar that you know a guy who knows a guy who co-wrote a Mellencamp song and she’ll love you for a night. Tell her it’s a Springsteen song and she’ll love you for a lifetime.
A Dick Joke On Boxing Day.
Step One: Cut a hole in that Boxing Day. Step Two: Put your junk in that Boxing Day. Step Three: Make her open to Boxing Day. And that’s the way you do it.
It’s my dick in a calendar.
San Francisco Tweet-Up
Just bought my plane ticket. Jazzzed. Thurs Jan. 21st - Monday Jan. 25th.
electronic mail.
bookface.
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I Have Plagiarism Paranoia
I have this dumb joke I want to tell to my tweetlings, but I feel like I have heard some version of it somewhere. It goes something like this… In Mexico, Jimmy Choos are a dime a dozen. Find any guy named Jimmy, look at his feet & there are his Choos! Actually, I have been getting this feeling a lot lately and it’s stopped me from posting quite a few things. I’ve tried...
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Playing Words with Friends by myself.
paulewogblog:
Just kidding. I’m doing something much more sad. Watching a Nic Cage movie by myself.
Is it Face/Off?!
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Pretend That This Was 10 Months Ago
Gloria Estefan contacted Rhianna regarding her incident with Chris Brown citing “I know how to turn the beat around.”
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Book Club for One.
I have added all of these titles to an ambitious list for my book club reads. Although my cat, Oliver, thinks that I read too slow for David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest. This should keep me busy for quite a while. Thanks everyone!
Any good book suggestions?
I just finished reading a few collections of short stories by George Saunders. I’m looking for some good reads.
What do you guys...
Delivery Boy Tip
When they hand over the money for the pizza, say “Gee, this doesn’t make as much as human trafficking, but it is easier than those teenagers I just delivered to your neighbors house.”
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Any good book suggestions?
I just finished reading a few collections of short stories by George Saunders. I’m looking for some good reads.
What do you guys have for me?
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A Public List of the Things Law & Order Has Ruined...
Jogging in Central Park.
Taking a long walk by the East River.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.
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Watchtiffanyjmoore:
Wanna buy a waffle?
My g-d! This is exactly what my weekends were like in college. Boy, this makes me miss Tallahassee.
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A Letter From Outer Space (w/picture)!
Dear Tumblr Folk on Earth,
Space is gr8! Thanks for asking.
There’s lots of crazy stuff up here. Apparently, after they were done filming Apollo 13, they left Tom Sizemore floating around.
-Matthew
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Probably True
Kirk Cameron condemns CBS’s TV show The Big Bang Theory because its theme song was written by the Bare Naked Ladies and that evokes imagery which goes against his Christian morals.
Why Don't I Follow You?
stereoforbrains:
Ok, so ever since the Formspring craze, I’ve been getting questions about why I don’t follow some of you, why do I star tweets from people I don’t follow and stuff like that. Well, I wasn’t going to get too into it but then something happened a couple of nights ago and I figured I’d just be honest and write a post to explain and hopefully answer all of these questions.
I have...
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The Secret
In between company meetings, it is appropriate to make costume changes.
In the professional world, everything is denoted by ‘power’, e.g., “Power Suit,” “Power Lunch,” “Power Nap” and “Power Harass.”
To get ahead at work, cut off your direct superior’s head, repeat as necessary or until coworkers call you the ‘Head...
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What I love about Twitter
paulewogblog:
For one; the randomness.
A young man who goes by the handle @DoogieHowser_MD and who I began following about a week or two ago(He gave me a follow mention, I checked his stuff and he was funny. Hence; followed) posted a picture of himself on his Tumblr in front of the McAllister house of ‘Home Alone’ fame. Knowing full well where that house is I sent him a DM (keep in mind, we had...
Thank You.
About 3-4 months ago, I discovered @SamGrittner (my gateway thug) @imaudihere and @robdelaney’s hilarious tweets. Laugh after laugh after painful laugh helped me realize that Twitter wasn’t just about live tweeting TwtrCon 2k9, or finding out when celebrities die, but that it could be an interactive playground for creative (and in this case, comedic) material—a place where people...
Blessings at Twenty Below
The best part about the biting, twenty below weather in Chicago is when your mom makes you cry, your tear-drops freeze on your face, which makes you look bad-ass.
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Things Cougars Don't Like
Whiskey aged as old as they (especially as a birthday present).
Meddling mothers.
Reality.
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Things Cougars Like
I find that most cougars find it attractive when I say that “I lift weights on the regs.”
I find that most cougars swoon over a good John Mellencamp tune when played in a ‘98 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer Edition.
Whisper in a cougar’s ear that your dad works for Philip Morris and could score you a carton of Virginia Slims Ultra Light 120s and ‘you’re in there...
1996
During the summer of ‘96 I interned for ABC’s Nightline. My only responsibility was to scour the streets of NYC looking for Ted Koppelgangers.
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'Tis The Season!
For memories of childhood-crushing disappointments.
Santa always took a lot of creative license with my Christmas list requests, which somehow left me with the poor-man’s version of whatever I asked for, e.g., a turbografx 16 instead of a nintendo or Weekend at Bernies instead of Ghost. He could’ve just given me a sack of hamburgers and called it even.
What is the most disappointing...
